The principal of the Math and Sciences academy called today. Brandon has been offered a seat next year. Normally I would be jumping up and down and very excited. However, I now need to talk with a number of people about whether it would be better to stay where he is, and whether he can go and still get the ED attention he needs. I have already misunderstood the academy situation once and I can't afford to make a mistake with this.
I guess he really did do great on the exam! :-) He is going to be SO THRILLED!
He won't be thrilled that no one called him back about his request to go see his friend today. He called from school asking if he could ride their bus home, but neither the child or parent called him back to say he was welcome. I didn't think they would, but it hurts him most of all.
Have a great weekend. I have a lot planned for us, going to be busy.
~Mike
Friday, May 18, 2007
Another meeting note....
It was brought up during the meeting Thursday that my son applied for the math and science magnet school for elementary students. He really wanted this. He was accepted but put on a waiting list. I told them about something he said when he took the test. I forgot he was supposed to take his test the day it was scheduled. I remembered when I got home. I told him I was sorry I forgot about it. He said, "Don't worry Dad, I did great!" :-)
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Brighter side of the meeting....
Everyone at the school agrees that Brandon is a great child. He is warm, personable, caring, and truly desires to do well. At the end of the meeting we were all talking about the great things Brandon does.
He is full of energy and life. He is all overflowing with wise counsel. He has been in therapy for a long time. He knows it all. Various coping methods, ways to vent that are acceptable, you name it. He often talks to other children that have gotten in trouble or are sad and shares skills he has learned. :-) In the lunch bunch groups (groups for kids dealing with various issues) Brandon is the leader. He knows how you are supposed to deal with just about everything. He teaches all of the teachers and staff things every day. They love him. I guess we all know that it is easier to tell someone how to do something than it is to really do it. Unfortunately, Brandon knows exactly what to do, he just cannot do it. When it comes right down to it, if we are really honest with ourselves, it is hard to do the right thing sometimes, especially when we are hurt or overwhelmed. I always wanted a different childhood for him, and now it is almost gone.
He is full of energy and life. He is all overflowing with wise counsel. He has been in therapy for a long time. He knows it all. Various coping methods, ways to vent that are acceptable, you name it. He often talks to other children that have gotten in trouble or are sad and shares skills he has learned. :-) In the lunch bunch groups (groups for kids dealing with various issues) Brandon is the leader. He knows how you are supposed to deal with just about everything. He teaches all of the teachers and staff things every day. They love him. I guess we all know that it is easier to tell someone how to do something than it is to really do it. Unfortunately, Brandon knows exactly what to do, he just cannot do it. When it comes right down to it, if we are really honest with ourselves, it is hard to do the right thing sometimes, especially when we are hurt or overwhelmed. I always wanted a different childhood for him, and now it is almost gone.
Labels....
We all got'em. What do we do with them?
My son is now labeled "Emotionally Disturbed". Official. In his record. Found out that parents do not want their children in class with him. They do not want their children sitting near him. They are afraid to send their children to school with him. Everyone is at a loss. Medication is working at home, but at school he has become a nightmare. One area always seems to get better while another falls. He isn't doing any work in school anymore and has reverted back to the behavior he had last year. So, what to do now?
They are going to do an IEP next week, and BIP shortly after. They are starting the gifted paperwork. He was accepted to the Math and Science Academy, but is on a waiting list. Because he didn't start in second grade, the kids that are in fourth grade this year have precedence. Not likely he will get there. As a magnet school I thought it was a gifted program. It is not. I understand the distinction now. They will put my son into a gifted cluster class next year, provided some improvement in his behavior occurs, but he cannot test for the gifted program until the fall. The two magnet programs he applied for do not count for the gifted program.
Good and bad things came out of the meeting. It was not nearly as hopeful as I wanted. I pretty much went the other way. {HEAVY SIGH}
~Mike
My son is now labeled "Emotionally Disturbed". Official. In his record. Found out that parents do not want their children in class with him. They do not want their children sitting near him. They are afraid to send their children to school with him. Everyone is at a loss. Medication is working at home, but at school he has become a nightmare. One area always seems to get better while another falls. He isn't doing any work in school anymore and has reverted back to the behavior he had last year. So, what to do now?
They are going to do an IEP next week, and BIP shortly after. They are starting the gifted paperwork. He was accepted to the Math and Science Academy, but is on a waiting list. Because he didn't start in second grade, the kids that are in fourth grade this year have precedence. Not likely he will get there. As a magnet school I thought it was a gifted program. It is not. I understand the distinction now. They will put my son into a gifted cluster class next year, provided some improvement in his behavior occurs, but he cannot test for the gifted program until the fall. The two magnet programs he applied for do not count for the gifted program.
Good and bad things came out of the meeting. It was not nearly as hopeful as I wanted. I pretty much went the other way. {HEAVY SIGH}
~Mike
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Large heavy decisions....
I have to move. I cannot stay where I am any longer. The decision on where to go though is a problem. A Big problem.
My problem is that my son is in a great school, with a great staff. A staff that has now worked with him for a full year. A staff that knows him. A staff I have to meet with Thursday afternoon to discuss his future with. If I move away from this school, I then have to spend another year to get back to this point. Another year wasted with my son. I talked with my son's counselor Tuesday about the upcoming meeting and she gave me some great information. I then had to tell her I needed to move. She did a double take, and nearly angrily responded with "WHAT?" Ouch. I explained why and understanding took over the disbelieving look on her face. She knows and understands. Her response really made me think, if I move, what will I be doing to my son? If I stay, what will I be doing to my son?
I live two streets over from the woman I wanted to marry. She has five amazing children. Ok, all children are amazing, but her are specially so since I thought I was going to be their stepfather. They were very excited starting off the school year, telling the staff that they were all brothers and sisters. Three of those children are in that school. One is the same age as Brandon. Everyday is painful. Everyday reminds me of a future I wanted more than anything and now will never have. Brandon was a part of that, and a part of the rift, and a part of the hurt. No doubt that this has factored heavily into his slide since December. I can imagine, to some extent, how having the dream of being part of a whole family again pulled right out from under you would hurt, and not being able to know why. Brandon called over to her eleven year old son today to ask if he could come over. He got the answering machine and left a message. He ended the message so innocently, so unthinkingly, so impulsively, so emotionally with "I love you, I mean, I'll see you, but I do love you, you are like my closest friend, so, I guess I do love you." What, really, have we done to our children? So I have to move.
It isn't so easy. I rent a house. My lease ends in July. But where to move to? What makes the most sense? What is best for Brandon?
I have a chance of getting Brandon into an ED category. I have a chance of getting him into the gifted cluster class at this school, and into ED sessions on a regular basis. This addresses the twice exceptional status. He would get the advanced curriculum, while getting the Emotional help he needs. It is the first real ray of hope I have had in a long time. I'm going to fight for this. Brandon deserves it. If they grant it, then I am definitely staying, just moving. If they don't, I'll have to weigh what they say/do with moving closer where I have some parental support.
~Mike
My problem is that my son is in a great school, with a great staff. A staff that has now worked with him for a full year. A staff that knows him. A staff I have to meet with Thursday afternoon to discuss his future with. If I move away from this school, I then have to spend another year to get back to this point. Another year wasted with my son. I talked with my son's counselor Tuesday about the upcoming meeting and she gave me some great information. I then had to tell her I needed to move. She did a double take, and nearly angrily responded with "WHAT?" Ouch. I explained why and understanding took over the disbelieving look on her face. She knows and understands. Her response really made me think, if I move, what will I be doing to my son? If I stay, what will I be doing to my son?
I live two streets over from the woman I wanted to marry. She has five amazing children. Ok, all children are amazing, but her are specially so since I thought I was going to be their stepfather. They were very excited starting off the school year, telling the staff that they were all brothers and sisters. Three of those children are in that school. One is the same age as Brandon. Everyday is painful. Everyday reminds me of a future I wanted more than anything and now will never have. Brandon was a part of that, and a part of the rift, and a part of the hurt. No doubt that this has factored heavily into his slide since December. I can imagine, to some extent, how having the dream of being part of a whole family again pulled right out from under you would hurt, and not being able to know why. Brandon called over to her eleven year old son today to ask if he could come over. He got the answering machine and left a message. He ended the message so innocently, so unthinkingly, so impulsively, so emotionally with "I love you, I mean, I'll see you, but I do love you, you are like my closest friend, so, I guess I do love you." What, really, have we done to our children? So I have to move.
It isn't so easy. I rent a house. My lease ends in July. But where to move to? What makes the most sense? What is best for Brandon?
I have a chance of getting Brandon into an ED category. I have a chance of getting him into the gifted cluster class at this school, and into ED sessions on a regular basis. This addresses the twice exceptional status. He would get the advanced curriculum, while getting the Emotional help he needs. It is the first real ray of hope I have had in a long time. I'm going to fight for this. Brandon deserves it. If they grant it, then I am definitely staying, just moving. If they don't, I'll have to weigh what they say/do with moving closer where I have some parental support.
~Mike
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Mistakes and coffee....
The mistake today was not making a full pot of coffee this morning...
CroutonBoy ((aka Cheeky's Hideaway) from the Dadcentric bloggers wrote about Starbucks and being out of coffee. He mentions that Cafe Verona is his favorite coffee. I bought a bag, and it is delicious. I stayed home today, not feeling too well, and I made a four cup pot. I needed twelve.
My son is reading the Guinness World Records 2006. Today he reads about the worlds most expensive coffee on our way to see his counselor. It is Kopi Luwak. It comes from Irian Jaya, Indonesia. Only 500lbs are made each year, and it costs $300/lb. He reads that it has to do with the way the beans are processed and harvested. It is unique. The Sumatran Civet Cat lives in the mountain ranges and eats the ripest coffee cherries it can find. The locals pick the beans out of the excrement they can find and sell the coffee. I am silent. I want to hear what he thinks of this. I KNOW what I think of it, not having any of that. After nearly a minute of silence, "OK, THAT is DISGUSTING!" At least he has some sense....
~mike
CroutonBoy ((aka Cheeky's Hideaway) from the Dadcentric bloggers wrote about Starbucks and being out of coffee. He mentions that Cafe Verona is his favorite coffee. I bought a bag, and it is delicious. I stayed home today, not feeling too well, and I made a four cup pot. I needed twelve.
My son is reading the Guinness World Records 2006. Today he reads about the worlds most expensive coffee on our way to see his counselor. It is Kopi Luwak. It comes from Irian Jaya, Indonesia. Only 500lbs are made each year, and it costs $300/lb. He reads that it has to do with the way the beans are processed and harvested. It is unique. The Sumatran Civet Cat lives in the mountain ranges and eats the ripest coffee cherries it can find. The locals pick the beans out of the excrement they can find and sell the coffee. I am silent. I want to hear what he thinks of this. I KNOW what I think of it, not having any of that. After nearly a minute of silence, "OK, THAT is DISGUSTING!" At least he has some sense....
~mike
Monday, May 14, 2007
Spidermen....
So Saturday evening, my son and I both have a box of whoppers, and we are sharing a large coke, getting ready to enjoy spiderman 3. During one of the previews, I take another sip of coke. My son is concerned about the amount of coke I have consumed to this point, and he should be. I can suck down vast quantities of any liquid before even I realize it. As my hand slips over and grabs the cup again, I pull it out of it's holder, and begin to lift it to my lips. The very loud preview we were watching suddenly ends at that moment. The silence in the theater is amazing. Everyone is rapt, waiting the next carefully crafted and momentous assault on their senses. However, my son was already in motion, breath exhaling, vocal cords vibrating, just fractions of a second before the preview clip ended. The silence was obliterated by a small child. One small child. My child. His piercing high pitched voice frantic with fear that his coke might disappear, broadcasts through three theaters, "DAD!!!! Don't Drink it AAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!" The explosion of laughter throughout the theater must have been terrifically gratifying for my child, the lover of all things attention-focused on him.
Sunday, it was rumored that Spiderman and his Spiderchild visited Seashore state park in Virginia Beach. There have been reports that this dynamic duo raced through the park, jumping over and onto trees, then springing off again with amazing agility and dizzying acrobatics. They were rather chaotic, and it is amazing neither sustained any injuries, especially the older one. There really isn't anything better than taking a child through a forest or swamp, and showing the things that are there, great and small.
Sunday, it was rumored that Spiderman and his Spiderchild visited Seashore state park in Virginia Beach. There have been reports that this dynamic duo raced through the park, jumping over and onto trees, then springing off again with amazing agility and dizzying acrobatics. They were rather chaotic, and it is amazing neither sustained any injuries, especially the older one. There really isn't anything better than taking a child through a forest or swamp, and showing the things that are there, great and small.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Happy Mother's Day!
To all moms everywhere!
Below is a poem, one of my favorite ever. It was written by J.D. Frazer of Userfriendly an Internet Cartoonist and Author. I love the comic strip because it is the best geek humor around. Foxtrot was pretty good too, but Userfriendly is an environment nearly identical to an Internet Service Provider I used to be a part of in Richmond, VA. Those guys are now Convergent Technologies Group of Virginia and they are kickass friends as well as the best Information Technology services group around.
But this is about MOMS. My mom died in February 2001. She died of Lung Cancer. I was there. I miss her like you wouldn't believe. She was always full of life and energy and always put other people first. She loved my brother and I intensely and she always made sure we knew it. I haven't always been the best child, but she stuck with me all the same, through everything. Some things I am glad she hasn't been around to see, others I would give absolutely anything to for her to be here or for me to talk to. I've needed her now more than ever. She would have been the coolest Grandmother ever for Brandon. I wish he would have been able to know her more than the little time he had. His other Grandmother was also claimed by cancer, just four months after he was born. I was there for that too. She was another amazing woman, and again, I have needed her now more than ever. I'll take any help I can get really, but these two women, totally different from each other, were strong, wise, and overflowing with love. You cannot replicate or replace a mom, a grandmother, a great grandmother. I remember them all, each moment, as though I was still next to them, soaking up their words, their hugs, their affection, their smiles, the essence of who they were. In that way they live on in me, but I cannot translate that to my son.
Moms, you are the absolute best. No one will ever love your children as much as you. Even though your children may not act like it matters to them, you and your love will be the most important thing to them for their entire lives. You matter far more maybe than you will ever ever know. It is never a matter of perfection, being the perfect Mom, it is only ever about CARING and LOVE. The kind of love that sticks with you through everything. Moms love like that. The time we have, had, together was far too short, by a thousand years, and time stole you away far too soon.
Motherhood, O Gordian Rite,
Chafed with paints of life,
A canvas thick with lighter oils,
Yet stained by Quiet Strife.
Ideal heights, and high ideals,
Make us aim for steeples.
I try, you try, to clutch our bond,
Yet prove we’re different people.
Words, O Words, what they can say,
Real things not just tokens!
Yet sometimes thought departs my mind,
And wrong words become spoken.
A Turn of phrase I cannot quoth,
Nor proffer due salute,
So gifts I give to speak for me,
A poet fallen mute.
Due words I mightn’t ever say,
And you mightn’t always see,
Yet when time arrives to take your hand,
I’ll say time stole you from me.
Below is a poem, one of my favorite ever. It was written by J.D. Frazer of Userfriendly an Internet Cartoonist and Author. I love the comic strip because it is the best geek humor around. Foxtrot was pretty good too, but Userfriendly is an environment nearly identical to an Internet Service Provider I used to be a part of in Richmond, VA. Those guys are now Convergent Technologies Group of Virginia and they are kickass friends as well as the best Information Technology services group around.
But this is about MOMS. My mom died in February 2001. She died of Lung Cancer. I was there. I miss her like you wouldn't believe. She was always full of life and energy and always put other people first. She loved my brother and I intensely and she always made sure we knew it. I haven't always been the best child, but she stuck with me all the same, through everything. Some things I am glad she hasn't been around to see, others I would give absolutely anything to for her to be here or for me to talk to. I've needed her now more than ever. She would have been the coolest Grandmother ever for Brandon. I wish he would have been able to know her more than the little time he had. His other Grandmother was also claimed by cancer, just four months after he was born. I was there for that too. She was another amazing woman, and again, I have needed her now more than ever. I'll take any help I can get really, but these two women, totally different from each other, were strong, wise, and overflowing with love. You cannot replicate or replace a mom, a grandmother, a great grandmother. I remember them all, each moment, as though I was still next to them, soaking up their words, their hugs, their affection, their smiles, the essence of who they were. In that way they live on in me, but I cannot translate that to my son.
Moms, you are the absolute best. No one will ever love your children as much as you. Even though your children may not act like it matters to them, you and your love will be the most important thing to them for their entire lives. You matter far more maybe than you will ever ever know. It is never a matter of perfection, being the perfect Mom, it is only ever about CARING and LOVE. The kind of love that sticks with you through everything. Moms love like that. The time we have, had, together was far too short, by a thousand years, and time stole you away far too soon.
Motherhood, O Gordian Rite,
Chafed with paints of life,
A canvas thick with lighter oils,
Yet stained by Quiet Strife.
Ideal heights, and high ideals,
Make us aim for steeples.
I try, you try, to clutch our bond,
Yet prove we’re different people.
Words, O Words, what they can say,
Real things not just tokens!
Yet sometimes thought departs my mind,
And wrong words become spoken.
A Turn of phrase I cannot quoth,
Nor proffer due salute,
So gifts I give to speak for me,
A poet fallen mute.
Due words I mightn’t ever say,
And you mightn’t always see,
Yet when time arrives to take your hand,
I’ll say time stole you from me.
My son in the newspaper...
In July 2006, right after we moved from Maryland back here to Virginia Beach, a heat wave rolled through the region. My son was in camp for the week at Triple R ranch. I got to work one Thursday morning looked at the paper. On the front page, over half of the ENTIRE front page, was my son. Below is the picture.
This past week, the apparently photogenic Brandon, was again selected to appear in the paper. This time in the Va Beach local Beacon. They did an article on high school students mentoring elementary school students to prep for Standards of Learning tests.
This past week, the apparently photogenic Brandon, was again selected to appear in the paper. This time in the Va Beach local Beacon. They did an article on high school students mentoring elementary school students to prep for Standards of Learning tests.
what it is like....
Talking with and dealing with my son every day. Every one. No one else wants to do it. I feel like am either losing, or have lost this battle, can no longer save him.
The Fray
"How To Save A Life"
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
The Fray
"How To Save A Life"
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
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