Just some thoughts....

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and that is normally not a very good thing. However, I feel like it has helped me quite a bit.

"If you are searching for truth, You must look in the mirror, and make sense of what you can see, They say learning to love yourself is the first step, Just be" (Tiesto "Just Be") Judging ourselves is so difficult. There is a fine line between conceit and self worth, humbleness and low self esteem. The past few weeks I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I have had great company, the best, and I am thankful for that. I have many hurdles and decisions coming up and it hurts my brain to think about all of them. There are so many paths open before me. At least, that is the way I see it. Many things I can accomplish right now, but is it prudent? Should I wait and tackle the more difficult things first? My first priority has been to put my sanity first. I've been out doing the things I like to do. Softball, dodgeball, kickball, volleyball leagues, kayaking, working out, eating MY diet :-), reading, scuba, drinking, dancing, and more. I haven't spent very much time in front of the computer either...which is why my blog seemed to dry up. I have been examining the relationships I have. Friendships, work, parents, siblings. The book "Emotional Unavailability" has helped me to identify key aspects of some of these relationships. I can now take a more objective versus emotional look at them. Some of these I have had trouble dealing with for decades. Not all of these people are emotionally unavailable, but there are some things I am just better off not trying to change or hoping for better from them. There is a level of acceptance I need to have, especially with my father, that I will never have the relationship that I want with them. There are key issues that I cannot fix, and trying only makes things worse. My energies are much better spent on the relationships that are much more symbiotic. My son, my girlfriend, my friends, my work. I'm working on boundaries too, making sure that my needs are being met which includes my need to help others and be involved with others. I am working out ways to do this when my son comes back, since the help I thought I once had I no longer do, and he will be the dominate force. I have to temper that while feeding him and meeting his extensive needs. It is something that I am not sure I can do, but I'll keep trying none the less.

There is so much more, but it will have to wait...I have to go...tomorrow!

Aufwiederschreiben!