I am evil:

I love practical jokes. I love being cynical and sarcastic too. A very recent conversation went something like this:

A friend was having trouble with a slow computer. This friend was getting help from several people. Too many cooks can really kill a computer. :-) My suggestion, like usual, use one of a couple of online virus scanners that I recommend. It is like getting a second opinion from a doctor.

The results were not so good, but it appears recoverable.

I start listing my recommendations:

Me: "You need to do a couple of things. First, make sure the program deleted the files, then empty the recycle bin. Then go to http://update.microsoft.com, install the latest patches, and run the scan again."

Friend: "Windows XP sp3"

Me: "Shit. UM Yes. Do it. Some people are having problems with it, we'll know soon if yours will be one or not. I don't think your system fits the profile though. We need to make sure it is fully patched. Also, you're not going to like my next recommendation. No one ever does."

Friend: "What is it?"

Me: "You need to run as a non-privileged account. You see running as....YADAyadayadayada....blah blah blah...waaa waaa waaa...ramble ramble ramble"
{computer/network security/forensics, etc, is what I do for a living, I can talk for days about it}

Friend: {somewhat interrupting} "You've told me this before, a couple of years ago, does anyone ever listen to you or take your advice?"

Me: "No."

Friend: "Doesn't that annoy you?"

Me: "No."

Friend: "Ok, so SP3 is installing. Can I go put my children to bed and call you later?"

Me: "No. Once we start the installation it is very important that you stay on the phone and next to the computer until it is completely done. It may be a couple of hours, but we have to do it."

Friend: {PAUSE}

Friend: {PAUSE}

Friend: "Are you serious?"

Me: "No! Go do whatever you need to. Just reboot when it is done, go back check for more updates, then run the online virus scan again and make sure it is clean. You can call me later or tomorrow or whenever." {Now I'm laughing}

Friend: {LAUGHING}

Who knows, maybe my little jokes like that keep people from taking me seriously? :-)