August and Everything After...

I suppose it is now time for a change in focus and direction. Time to prepare for the upcoming school year. Time to prepare to change my wild and spontaneous summer ways back to the rigid and regimented schedule of school and parental responsibilities. Time to become the full time parent once again, a split focus between work and my son. From September to the middle of June.

I'm excited and stressed about the upcoming year. I'm always the optimist, looking forward to opening doors and pathways for my son as he stretches his wings and adjusts to the ever widening world around him. I'm the veteran pragmatist, knowing that year after year each new experience also brings with it obstacles that I cannot predict. Things that can sink this fragile ship. I never really know how my son is going to respond to the changes. Try as I might, I cannot see the world through his eyes, and our past is fraught with misunderstandings that I wish I could change. Each step forward brings me closer to understanding and being able to help him cope and grow. There are often big steps backward too. While trying to keep things stable for him, I also have to juggle work, insurance, medical bills that insurance doesn't cover, and find a way to continually not be at work so that I can get him to appointments at doctors that only work during the normal work day.

While I can't wait for him to come home, there is an undercurrent of trepidation that is ever present as I prepare to huff and puff non-stop to try and keep this little one just above the tree tops until he can hopefully soar on his own.