Sunday, August 03, 2008

The Dartboard

I do like to play darts. It's fun for me. A little skill, a little luck. It is a lot more fun with friends. Even more so at a good pub with good beer and good grub. Add a band or music and I'll definitely be back. I have also found that it is really easy to throw darts at people. Not physically, but verbally. It is very easy to sit on the outside and pick people apart. Putting a painful dart in every wound. Slicing apart comments like an expert surgeon. Or a butcher. Even easier when you know you'll never walk in those shoes. We'll take it further than that, it even feels vindicating when you look down on them from a position of perceived superiority.

What isn't easy is finding ways to help people. To be there, face to face and see the pain, to feel it. It isn't easy to walk into someone's life, their home, and offer a hand and tell them it is there until they don't need it anymore. To literally walk a mile in their shoes.

I have a friend I've known for for about 23 years. They have been through the trials and tribulations that I've been through with my divorce and with my son. Every single step. Much, much, much more than you'll ever read about in this blog. This person and I feel nearly the same way on everything and the ordeal has significantly altered each of our worldviews. There are very few others that really understand, and recently I've been blessed by finding an Asperger's support group in our area where I can be around many other parents that are going through the same thing.

I've learned so much in so many areas. One thing that have learned is that when I have criticized people and their decisions in the past, I have found that when put in their shoes I've made the same decisions. It has been easy for me to say I've done x, y, and z and look down on people with either pity or contempt. What is hard is getting involved, and not to steer them some direction you think they should go, but get involved and let them sort the issues out the way they think they need to be. Many times people need to make mistakes, stumble, and right themselves without constant criticism in order to grow and learn.

"It's easier to be an asshole to words than to people"

God I love XKCD.


  1. For me, friendship is more about acceptance and support than anything else. No one can walk in another's shoes, but we can accept their choices, celebrate their accomplishments, and provide support when necessary and/or desired.

    It is hard to sit back and let people live their lives - to let them walk their path - but often it is the greatest gift we can give... just to accept and be their friend. (This is also the way I try to raise my daughter... her life to live my pleasure to share the journey)

  2. Exception,
    So well put and said. A great philosophy.


I will not accept advertising in the body of comments. If you leave links to spam, goods, or services it will be deleted. If you embed HTML it will be deleted. For any number of other reasons I may delete the comment. I do this for the safety and well being of the readers of the blog.