Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Large heavy decisions....

I have to move. I cannot stay where I am any longer. The decision on where to go though is a problem. A Big problem.

My problem is that my son is in a great school, with a great staff. A staff that has now worked with him for a full year. A staff that knows him. A staff I have to meet with Thursday afternoon to discuss his future with. If I move away from this school, I then have to spend another year to get back to this point. Another year wasted with my son. I talked with my son's counselor Tuesday about the upcoming meeting and she gave me some great information. I then had to tell her I needed to move. She did a double take, and nearly angrily responded with "WHAT?" Ouch. I explained why and understanding took over the disbelieving look on her face. She knows and understands. Her response really made me think, if I move, what will I be doing to my son? If I stay, what will I be doing to my son?

I live two streets over from the woman I wanted to marry. She has five amazing children. Ok, all children are amazing, but her are specially so since I thought I was going to be their stepfather. They were very excited starting off the school year, telling the staff that they were all brothers and sisters. Three of those children are in that school. One is the same age as Brandon. Everyday is painful. Everyday reminds me of a future I wanted more than anything and now will never have. Brandon was a part of that, and a part of the rift, and a part of the hurt. No doubt that this has factored heavily into his slide since December. I can imagine, to some extent, how having the dream of being part of a whole family again pulled right out from under you would hurt, and not being able to know why. Brandon called over to her eleven year old son today to ask if he could come over. He got the answering machine and left a message. He ended the message so innocently, so unthinkingly, so impulsively, so emotionally with "I love you, I mean, I'll see you, but I do love you, you are like my closest friend, so, I guess I do love you." What, really, have we done to our children? So I have to move.

It isn't so easy. I rent a house. My lease ends in July. But where to move to? What makes the most sense? What is best for Brandon?

I have a chance of getting Brandon into an ED category. I have a chance of getting him into the gifted cluster class at this school, and into ED sessions on a regular basis. This addresses the twice exceptional status. He would get the advanced curriculum, while getting the Emotional help he needs. It is the first real ray of hope I have had in a long time. I'm going to fight for this. Brandon deserves it. If they grant it, then I am definitely staying, just moving. If they don't, I'll have to weigh what they say/do with moving closer where I have some parental support.


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